I don't love you, but I always will

I'm completely overwhelmed with my place in life right now. I found out news about a loved one that once again broke my heart. You can hope and pray that someone has changed but the same old shit puts them right back where they were and me right back to my doubtful ways. Its hard to see my parents deal with this by avoiding it. Its as though I'm the only one seeing it for what it is. He cant care enough to save himself let alone any of us from this pain. He thinks hes gotten better but he has so much more to do before coming close. The harder part was not facing what happened but having no one to talk to about it. It was as if I was drowning inside screaming for help but there was no one to reach out their hand. It is haunting me now as much as it did then. My life is a whirl of emotions. So many things are happening I can barely keep up. I have my dream job at my finger tips and I'm so exhaused I want to let it go. I realized I can't I need to step it up in all aspects of my life. It might be exhausting but I can have it all. Please dear God help me get through this and never lose my faith for with out it I'm pointless.